I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
