i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
