im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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