Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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