i don't like sucking hair
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
