my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
