thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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