Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
