Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
