he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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