Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
