vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
