I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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