Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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