so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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