'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
pray to the hookup gods
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
