that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
