I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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