Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
