I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
