I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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