even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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