she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
