I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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