what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
