Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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