I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
