also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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