At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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