I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
