So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
