Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
