yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
