I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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