he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
