sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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