If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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