Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
