You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
