In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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