Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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