Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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