felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
