Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
