I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
