I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
