I wish life had little blips of pornography
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
