If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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