Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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