it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
