I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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