I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
