so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
